Why She Treats You Like The Enemy

Derrick Hoard
Jul 20
3 min read

🥀 Why She Treats You Like the Enemy

Even When You’re on Her Side

“No matter what I say, it’s wrong.” “I try to help, and somehow I’m still the villain.” “I’m not even sure what I did anymore.”

If you're reading this, there’s a good chance you’re the one who stays calm. The one who holds it together. The one who steps in to fix things, smooth things over, and avoid the explosion.

But lately… none of it is working. It feels like she’s always irritated with you. Like everything you say is met with suspicion, sarcasm, or silence. Even when you agree with her, she twists it. Even when you apologize, it’s not enough.

You’re trying. But it doesn’t feel like she sees that. It feels like she sees you as the problem.

So you’re stuck wondering: Why does the person I love treat me like the enemy?

💣 It Didn’t Start This Way

She didn’t always look at you like that. There was warmth. Playfulness. Intimacy. You remember a time when you were on the same team.

So what changed?

Most men assume it's one of three things:

“I must’ve done something wrong.”
“She must be holding onto something I can’t fix.”
“Maybe she just doesn’t love me anymore.”

But the truth? None of those hit the full picture.

Because this isn’t about a single moment. This is about a pattern you’ve both been stuck in—and probably don’t even see.

🧠 Why It Feels Like You’re Always the Villain

Here’s what might actually be happening underneath:

She doesn’t feel emotionally safe—but doesn’t know how to say it. When emotional needs go unmet, criticism becomes a defense mechanism.
You’re trying to solve problems—but she wants to be understood. Fixing things makes sense to you. But she sees it as avoidance.
The more you withdraw or stay calm, the more she feels abandoned. And in that abandonment, she starts to poke. To get a reaction. To feel something.
She’s scared. So she fights. And you're scared too—but you're trying to stay strong, which often just looks like distance.

When two people are afraid to be vulnerable, they end up acting like opponents—not because they want to hurt each other, but because they’re each trying to survive in the only way they know how.

🔁 So You Get Caught in the Loop

You feel blamed.
She feels dismissed.
You shut down.
She ramps up.
You try harder to be “good.”
She feels more alone.
And the cycle repeats.

Until love starts to feel like war. And every conversation feels like a trap.

💬 What You Can Do Instead

This isn’t about taking the blame. It’s about taking back the connection. Try this:

Don’t defend—get curious.
“Can you help me understand what you needed from me just now?”
Call out the loop, not her behavior.
“I feel like we’re stuck in a pattern where everything I say makes things worse.”
Show her you’re here, not just physically—but emotionally.
“I don’t want to be on opposite sides. I want to figure this out together.”

These aren’t magic words. But they open the door to something different. And that’s where change begins.

You’re Not Her Enemy. But She Might Feel Unprotected.

And when a woman doesn’t feel safe—emotionally, mentally, relationally—she guards herself the only way she knows how: by pushing you away before you can hurt her.

What she needs isn’t perfection. What she needs is presence. And what you need… is to stop trying to win, and start trying to connect.

Ready to Understand the Pattern?

This isn’t just a communication issue. It’s likely tied to the role you’ve been playing without realizing it.

➡️ [Read next: Man of the House Syndrome: The Role That’s Draining You]The identity you’ve been taught to uphold might be the reason she doesn’t feel close anymore.

Or, if this whole thing just hurts and you’re not sure where to start:

➡️ [Read: The Nighttime No Sex Spiral]Because emotional disconnection always shows up in the bedroom first.