Removing Barriers to
Therapy and Treatment
Keep It Short and Straighforward!
Is This Your Relationship?
You adore each other. When things are good, they’re really good—movie montage level good. But when things go sideways, it’s like someone hit the fast-forward button on a soap opera. And trying to ask friends doesn't help very much.
Why is it that every minor disagreement over, say, the correct way to load the dishwasher or whose turn it is to take out the trash, spirals into a full-blown misunderstanding? And why does it always seem to follow the same script? One of you is ready to talk it out (aka chase the other down like a determined detective), while the other suddenly has an urgent need to fold the laundry or retreat into a Netflix binge.
Sure, eventually you both come together, have a heart-to-heart, and realize it wasn’t about the dishes at all—but the process is draining, and this pattern is starting to wear you both out. Especially when you notice that your partner will listen to advice as long as it isn't from you.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone, and there’s a way to break free from this exhausting dynamic while deepening your connection.
"Couple's therapy shouldn't be complicated. It is completely natural for problems to arise in relationships, especially when we don't have any formalized way to teach people how to be in them. Couple's therapy can work as long as partners are on the same page, and my free consultation ensures that couples who work with me are a good fit and can succeed."
What's Really Going On?
If you feel like you and your partner keep getting caught in the same arguments—no matter how small or seemingly trivial the issue—there’s likely more at play than just communication breakdowns. Beneath the surface of your daily disagreements lies a deeper dynamic that’s driving the frustration.
One of the most common patterns I see in couples is what’s known as the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic. Here’s how it works:
The Pursuer: When conflict or distance arises, one partner takes action. They seek answers, connection, and resolution—often by asking questions, pushing for a conversation, or trying to “fix” the problem.
The Withdrawer: The other partner, feeling overwhelmed, misunderstood, or pressured, pulls away. They retreat into silence, avoid the conflict, or emotionally check out to feel safe.
This dynamic can play out over anything—from who left the milk out to deeper topics like trust, intimacy, or feeling appreciated. And while it’s a natural response to conflict, over time, the pattern becomes exhausting and erodes connection.
The pursuer feels abandoned and unheard. The withdrawer feels attacked and misunderstood. Both partners are hurting, but neither knows how to escape the cycle.
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Why Does This Happen
These dynamics are rarely about the argument itself. Instead, they often stem from deeper emotional needs and experiences, such as:
Feeling unseen or unimportant: Pursuers seek connection to feel valued. Withdrawers retreat to protect themselves from further emotional pain.
Unmet expectations: Growing resentment builds when each partner’s emotional needs aren’t acknowledged or understood.
Past experiences: Childhood pressures, attachment styles, or previous relationships can shape how you respond to conflict today.
The good news? Once you recognize the dynamic, you can break the cycle.
Here's How It Works
Meet Sarah and Ryan
Finally Understanding The Dynamic Underlying The Drama
Sarah and Ryan love each other deeply. They’re a great couple in so many ways—they share values, support each other’s goals, and have a lot of fun together when things are good. But lately, the constant bickering over seemingly small issues has started to take a toll on their relationship.
Sarah often feels like she’s the only one trying to address their problems. “I just want us to talk things out,” she would say, usually after Ryan pulled away mid-argument. Ryan, on the other hand, felt like no matter what he did, it wasn’t enough. “I just need space when things get heated,” he explained, “but it feels like I’m being chased.”
When we met, we began to uncover what was really going on. Sarah, as the pursuer, was reaching for connection when she felt distant, but her urgency left Ryan feeling overwhelmed. Ryan, as the withdrawer, pulled back to avoid conflict, but his silence left Sarah feeling ignored and rejected.
Once we identified this pattern, everything began to shift. Instead of reacting out of habit, Sarah and Ryan learned how to slow down, understand each other’s emotional needs, and respond in ways that brought them closer.
Within just a few sessions, the bickering lessened. They started having conversations instead of arguments and felt more connected than they had in years.
What I Do
My name is Derrick Hoard
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, and to be honest, I’m a little frustrated that traditional couples therapy seems to have lost the plot. These days, everyone is coming up with a fancy new name for dynamics that have been understood and studied for decades. Your time, energy, and money are far too valuable to spend session after session circling the same problems when the solution can often be simpler than you think.
In most couples therapy, you come in, rehash the same arguments over and over again, and while it might feel good to vent or gain validation, it rarely addresses the real issues driving the conflict. The underlying patterns remain untouched, leaving you stuck in the same cycle.
Here’s what I offer:
I focus on getting to the root of the problem, not just the surface-level arguments. Using proven techniques and a deep understanding of relationship dynamics—like the pursuing and withdrawing patterns—I help couples break free from the cycles that leave them frustrated, disconnected, and exhausted.
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Clarity and Action: My approach is practical and tailored. You’ll leave every session with actionable insights and steps to create real change.
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Uncover Hidden Patterns: I help you identify the habits and emotional reactions you might not even realize are keeping you stuck.
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Reconnect with Each Other: By addressing the deeper emotional needs behind the conflict, I guide couples to rebuild trust, improve communication, and rediscover the connection that brought you together.
I work with self-aware individuals and couples who are tired of the same old advice and ready for a breakthrough. Whether you’re stuck in patterns of conflict, burnout, or emotional distance, I offer a clear, no-nonsense path forward—one that helps you understand your relationship in a way you never have before.
Let’s uncover what’s really going on and get you back to where you want to be—connected, understood, and in control of your relationship.
Individual Therapy
$250 - 60 Minutes
Couples Therapy
$250- 90 Minutes
Financial Assistance Rate
$150-60 Minutes
$175-60 Minutes (Couples Therapy)
TLDR:
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My name is Derrick Hoard
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I am a licensed couples therapist
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I specialize in educating couples on how to be in a relationship and work through past problems effectively
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I focus on using real everyday language
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Meaning it is more than just "talking about our feelings" (you can do that alone and for alot cheaper)
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I give a free 30-minute consultation
Even though it may not be "that big of a deal"-the truth is that the problem isn't going to go anywhere if you ignore it. It will stay the same and yet somehow feel like it is getting worse. Eventually, it leads to all sorts of even bigger problems ie: (name-calling, emotional cutoff, infidelity) that are much harder, although not impossible to come back from. Why not start today? The dating world is a minefield right now...seriously.
-Derrick Hoard LMFT
Free Relationship Consultation
In this no-obligation session, we’ll take the time to explore your relationship challenges and identify the dynamics at play. Using my expertise, I’ll help you uncover who takes on the role of the pursuer and who tends to withdraw when conflicts arise.
Together, we’ll explore how these patterns are affecting your connection and what steps could create meaningful change.
This is your opportunity to ask questions, share your story, and ensure my approach feels right for both of you. You’ll also get actionable insights from the very first session to help you step out of the cycle and start moving toward a healthier, more connected relationship.
Your time and relationship are valuable. Let’s take the first step together toward clarity and growth. Book your free consultation today!
