The pursuer-withdrawer dynamic isn't about gender. It's about how your nervous system learned to respond to conflict and connection. And in LGBTQ relationships, where you're often writing your own script without the "benefit" of societal templates, it's even more important to understand these patterns—so you can create a relationship that actually works for you.

You know what you need. You've known for a while. Maybe it's more quality time together. Maybe it's help with the household responsibilities. Maybe it's just feeling like they see you and appreciate what you do. But every time you try to bring it up, it goes sideways. They get defensive. You get frustrated. What was supposed to be a simple conversation turns into an argument—or worse, they shut down entirely and you're left feeling like you can't say anything without causing

Stonewalling is one of the most destructive patterns in a relationship—but it doesn't have to be the end. If your partner stonewalls occasionally because they're overwhelmed, that's workable. With the right tools, they can learn to recognize when they're starting to shut down and communicate their need for space in a healthier way. But if stonewalling is chronic, intentional, or used as a weapon? That's a much bigger problem—and it requires professional intervention.