Navigating Therapy as a Neurodivergent Individual: It’s Time for Change

Let’s say the quiet part out loud: Most therapy isn’t built for us.

If you’re neurodivergent—ADHD, autistic, sensory sensitive, RSD-prone, or just someone whose brain doesn’t sync with the "normal" rhythm of the world—you’ve likely been in a therapy session where the advice felt wrong.

Not offensive. Not malicious. Just off. Like showing up to a boss battle and being handed a beginner-level sword and a deep-breathing worksheet.

🔍 The Real Disconnect Starts With Assumptions

Most neurotypical therapists don’t realize it, but they bring a whole framework of assumptions into the room with you:

• That “consistent communication” looks like a daily check-in.

• That executive dysfunction is just “procrastination.”

• That both partners share a similar sensory tolerance.

• That “discussing the issue calmly” is always possible.

• That conflict is resolved through talking, not recovery time.

  
  

For neurotypical couples? That might work. For neurodivergent relationships? That’s just more pressure dressed up as help.

📦 Therapy Jargon That Doesn’t Translate

Let’s break down some classic phrases you’ll hear in a therapy room—and why they often fall flat for neurodivergent (ND) folks:

“Use your words.”

🧠 ND reality: I want to, but I’m in shutdown mode. My words are offline right now. I’m not avoiding—I’m literally frozen.

“Let your partner know what you need.”

🧠 ND reality: I don’t always know what I need until I’m in meltdown mode. I process internally first. If I knew how to say it sooner, I would.

“Take turns speaking and listening.”

🧠 ND reality: Please don’t make me monologue while you stare at me. Let me pace. Let me stim. Let me info-dump. Otherwise, I’m masking again.

“Use an I-statement.”

🧠 ND reality: If I hear “I feel frustrated when…” one more time, I might combust. Let me talk the way my brain talks. Let me speak messy and feel safe doing it.

🧍‍♂️ ND Relationships Aren’t About Control—They’re About Translation

When two neurodivergent people are in a relationship—or when one ND person is with a neurotypical partner—the dynamic isn’t just about emotional labor. It’s also about emotional translation.

We don’t connect by reading between the lines. We connect by being allowed to say the thing exactly as it comes up. Incomplete. Too much. Not polished.

If the therapist expects polished communication, it’s not therapy anymore—it’s training us to mask better. And haven’t we already been doing that our whole lives?

💥 Societal Standards Don’t Fit Us, So Stop Forcing Them

Here’s the harsh truth: Most therapy is built to help people fit back into systems that never worked for them in the first place.

Neurodivergent people? We’ve always been the ones the system rejected. So when a therapist says “just use this technique,” they’re often saying:

"Here's how to be more palatable. Here's how to be less you."

But that’s not what we need. What we need is a therapist who understands that the structure of the relationship has to change—not just the tone of the arguments.

Reframing Conflict, Love, and Repair

We need someone who understands that:

• Conflict might look like silence, not yelling.

• Love might look like parallel play, not constant closeness.

• Repair might take hours or days—not 15 minutes of talking it out.

  
  

🧰 What I Do Differently

I specialize in working with neurodivergent couples and individuals who are tired of being misunderstood—not just by their partners, but by their therapists too.

Whether you're both neurodivergent or in a mixed-neurotype relationship, my approach is centered around:

• Building trust through understanding, not control.

• Adapting communication styles to real-life ND brains.

• Creating emotional safety without masking.

• Teaching both partners how to regulate without guilt.

  
  

Individual Coaching for Neurodivergent Adults

And I don’t just work with couples. I also offer individual coaching for neurodivergent adults who want to improve their relationships, set boundaries, stop spiraling from shame, and finally get tools that work for your brain—not against it.

🧭 Final Thought

If you've ever left a therapy session feeling like you were the problem instead of the person in pain... you're not alone.

You’re not broken.

You’re not too much.

You’re not being dramatic.

You’re neurodivergent in a world that keeps pretending it’s one-size-fits-all.

Let’s stop pretending. Let's build something real—where your communication style is honored, your nervous system isn’t punished, and your relationships actually feel like places you can exist.

You don’t need to be less you to be loved. You just need the right language.

And someone who knows how to speak it.

Learn More About My Couples Work