Can Couple's Therapy Be Fun?

Hello, Potential Client(s)!

Derrick here—licensed therapist in Seattle, Washington—and I genuinely believe couple’s therapy can be fun. I hate the idea that it’s always a grim, painful process. I mean, what’s not fun about dredging up old relationship wounds and analyzing how they shape your daily behavior?

Seriously, though, I’ll never forget the first time I made a joke in therapy. It wasn’t just for the sake of humor—it was therapeutically relevant, and I knew it would land better than any long-winded metaphor ever could.

But it was risky.

I was working with a couple struggling with a case of what I call “faux” infidelity. They were caught in that pursuer-withdrawer dynamic I often talk about in couple’s therapy. The wife, after years of feeling unheard and ignored, had gone on a "work date" with a coworker. Because of our society’s obsession with romantic comedies (thanks, Sleepless in Seattle), her so-called work husband blindsided her with a kiss.

Up until that moment, she had plausible deniability—it was just dinner with a work friend. Granted, it was at a fancy downtown Seattle restaurant that used blacklights and played smooth jazz and R&B in the evenings, but hey, maybe the blacklight helped highlight errors in the expense reports. I digress.

Guilt, Forgiveness, and an Unexpected Punchline

Understandably, the wife was devastated and knew she had to bring it up in therapy. Her husband was hurt, of course, but for the first time, he finally understood what she had been trying to tell him all along. After a few sessions, some deep emotional work, and a job transfer to a different location 20 miles away, things improved significantly.

Except for one thing.

The wife couldn’t let go of the guilt. In fact, she felt like she had gotten off too easy—perhaps because she knew she wouldn’t have been as forgiving had the roles been reversed.

Her guilt weighed so heavily on her that it became the problem. She didn’t feel sexy anymore because she was too preoccupied with punishing herself. Meanwhile, she was still frustrated that her husband forgot to take out the trash every now and then.

One day, in session, she finally snapped.

"I would feel better if you just went on a date with someone else and kissed them so at least we’d be even!"

Her husband stared at her, then at me, as if to say, "I’m not touching this one. This is what we’re paying you for."

I sat with it for a moment, then responded with a straight face:

"Wife, if your husband can’t even remember to take out the trash without your assistance, how do you expect him to manage the work required to set up an extramarital affair?"

She cracked first. Then he did. Then I did.

Between gasps of laughter, she said, "Oh, I can see it now—I’d probably have to remind him that his date with the woman he’s supposed to cheat on me with is in 15 minutes."

When we finally gathered ourselves, her husband turned to her and said, "Babe, it’s okay. Yes, it hurt my feelings, but I know you like being in control. And while you did go on the date, you didn’t choose for him to kiss you. I forgive you."

And in that moment—because of laughter—something lifted.

The Power of Humor in Therapy

We wrapped up therapy in about 10 sessions. Before they left, I suggested the wife buy a porcelain elephant to keep in their living room—something to symbolize the elephant in the room. One day, when she was truly ready, she could get rid of it.

Humor is an incredibly powerful therapeutic tool—and when my clients are ready for it, I use it. If it can work in a case as emotionally charged as faux infidelity, imagine what it can do for everyday relationship challenges.

Here’s to more therapeutic laughs in the therapy room.

Interested in therapy that has some levity? Check out my full suite of services below.

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-Derrick